The Little Valentine's Day in April 2015

These day, many of my friends asked me :
"How are you both doing?"
"Are you okay?"
"Broken up?"
"Problems settled?"

And ... All I want to say is that
I'm not going to answer any of these questions
cause many incidents just can't be describe by using words
It's just all about FEELINGS

But why am I here?
I'm going to apologize ...
even if I had already sent him few apologize messages
I just think that I need to write it down here
not for him to see it or what
just, I hope that when I recall this back in the future,
no matter who is by my side, or even no one,
I really don't want myself, a stupid idiot i think, to repeat the same mistake again ...

If you ask me, I will definitely admit that,
Once, I think of breaking up with him though
I dislike the way he beat about the bush
cause I always think that there's no secret between us
I dislike the way he judge me
even if he heard my story, he judged me in a heart-pain way.
But in the end, I'm sad, I'm depressed
cause I know I really did wrongly.

I'm soooooooooooo sorry, my beloved one.
I don't know what is going to happen in the future
but by now, I'm really appreciate
I'm always appreciate every little moments being with him
cause he is such a SPECIAL one in my entire life
But, I dissapointed him, I hurt him. I know I did.

He suffered because of ME
seems, he's sad, he's depressed, too.
and even, he cried because of ME
It's no denying that having someone ( especially boy ) who will cry for you is so loving
and he's the one, the SPECIAL one.

During these days,
sometimes I feel like ...
I seemed not that in love with him, maybe only 50%
the "love feeling" decrease as days go on and on
as I used to fulfill my days with bright smile without him

But, today,
when he asked about my leg, which I sprained my ankle
It touches me deeeeeeeeeeeeply
my heart feels so warm
because it's him who asked me that
I really love the way how we talk to each other like nothing happened
I miss those days when we always joke and play around like no one is around
then I told myself :"Hey! Admit it!"
Ya, I admit it.
I miss him. I miss us. I miss the lovely couple which used to make every of our friends feeling like ants coming
I love him. Yes, I love him, from the deepest of my heart.
I wish he's the one, the only one, the most special one ...

And today, 14th April 2015
Don't know if I should counted it as our fourth month or not
it's a little valentine's day
I hope he can be by my side, but he didn't.
I know, it's my fault, it's what I should face.
Thankfully, my little wish came true by today
he asked about my pain
he's not around but I can felt that his heart is around
( I hope my feeling didn't goes wrong @@ )

And, I'm really thankful to have him in my life
even if he didn't love me now
even if I don't know what will be going on in the future
even if I'm not his girl
even if he's not going to forgive me
and so on.

I'm just here to thank him
for teaching me how to face problems in life
he gave me the courage
Thank him for leading me to smile towards my life even if facing turbulence

Maybe, he lost his happiness because of me
but I really hope him the very best one in life

Hey! My beloved one!
All I wanted to say is that
I'm really sorry.
I hope that you can face your life with bright smile too.
I will always be there for you no matter what
or even if I'm not your girl again
Please stay happy, stay health,
and take good care of yourself,
always remember to drive safely, please.

And what's most important,
I LOVE YOU
still.

Happy April's Valentine's Day!

14/04/2015