Day 1 : Do it by myself!

Today...

it's the first day he's not mine, AGAIN.

Everything seems alright

like nothing happened

We are not couple anymore, for now

but I really hope that we can be friend

I mean BEST FRIEND like we used to be

cause even if we are being together

I still always memories flashback to those days

when we can play around together

tell each other our "little secret"

He know me, and so do I.
And, those days when I call him "handsome" even if I don't really admit it that time haha
( but I admit it now, deeply)
then we always joked about how match are we if we could become couple

So, I want those days back

I don't want us to be far apart upon breaking up

But, it seems hard, or impossible, maybe

today when we suddenly met up in school

I really want to talk to him

but I can felt the awkward 

between me and him.

I really don't want us to be like this

please, can we be better?

From yesterday night till now

few of my friends asked me "Did you cry?"

and the answer is ...NO, I didn't

But why?

maybe I should say "I don't know" lol

Definitely I'm sad deep inside my heart

but I act like nothing

so, I'm okay.

But, as I feel okay all the time

maybe it's not the truth

cause I'm really sad also.

I get into daydreaming during my Mathematics class

I thought back those days

you were kind and sweet

we hold our hand, tight, and promised,

won't giving up on others no matter what...

I think of how I planned his birthday

and he fetched me back in late night...

He put me at the first priority and protected me even if he's scare also

Those days,

he was once my man.

Then, what's next?

My eye filled with tears

but in the end, I didn't cry also

I need to smile

because I still don't believe that this is the end

it's not our ending 

we deserve more, I believe in it.

I know, he still love me

so I can wait

wait for the day we both become better and get back together

But, my insecurity scared me still

What if he didn't love me again in the future?

What if he finally let go on me?

I don't know.

I just hope myself to become a better girl

and love him even more

I want him to love me, like how we used to be.

And what's most important for today is that

I let Jeang Herng to leave me alone at the bus stop

then he went back home first

It pretty means that...

I'm growing up!

I'm taking a giant step to be better!

Now I know

I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF!

Soon, I will love you with a better me.

And now, I'm going to prepare exam notes, for him and for me

Exam is coming soon

and I know

this time we can't fight together

I miss those days when we encourage each other for examination

and I wake him up in the midnight to study

and he did the same to me.

I always made him to memories exam's thingies
It's really a hard period

but it's sweet because he is there for me and I know it.

This time,

I know we can hardly be like that again

but I will still try my best to help him

as I mentioned in my last post

I always wish him the best in life no matter what

and I will try my best to make him the better one

Good luck for him!

Lastly for today,

little quote for myself, which I learned during the English period

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence"

So, I always believe that

we can walk even far by holding each other's hand

I will try my best to chase after perfection

and love him, as always.

I love you, my dear.

15/04/2015