Day 8 : What motivates me to walk for such a long time?

Finally the "abnormal" Day 7 passed and it comes Day 8
After I got up from my bed, I still felt tired, my eye was pain
I cried too much yesterday, I think.
When I finally have time to think back what happened yesterday night
I was mad, again.
I felt regret, about my dedication
Maybe he just don't deserve, I told myself.
Then, suddenly I felt like I had just let go on him
like it's time for me to live a new life.

Even so, I still felt awkward for what I wrote yesterday
dedicated to want him back...bla bla bla
and so on.
Therefore, I chose to pretend like nothing happened
and made myself looks arrogant
I've chose to USE AN ARROGANT STANCE TO DEFEND MY ONLY EGO LEFT
Whenever I think back of his sentences
I felt that I'm more staunch
and then, I felt like my mood has been slowly recovered

After school, I backed home
then I went and read what I wrote at my blog here yesterday
All those memories....
then I felt like "Shit! What again!"
my heart has been "soften" again
I really can't be hard-nosed
I just can't stand those sweetest memories
How I wish I could be cold-blooded?
I even not sure if I can really get over it
when I saw his tweet.....

At night, he sent me a message
apologized to me, for what he said last night, for how rude he has been
I just can't stand.
No, I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO IT!
Please, release me, please!
I think back of what is motivating me to stay strong until today
I just don't want to give up easily
I don't want this as the end, I really don't want

He said, he saw what I asked for many times on my blog here
"Can we get back together again?"
I think this is what he mentioned of
Then I called him to give me his answer if he is willing to
I have got ready.
But, actually, I'm not sure if I was.
then he said, "I guess you know it"
I DON'T KNOW.
I really don't know.
For me, I think the answer is NO
But I still can't believe it
As we got together after so many difficulties
As we have both put a great effort in our relationship
Don't you feel pity about it?

What if the answer is YES?
I know it's almost impossible
because I don't think you would send such rude sentences to your beloved one
even when you were mad
But,
I am still waiting for miracle

Do you still remember what motivates us to walk for such a long time?
Do you still remember how we put our very great effort to walk together?

Don't give up on our relationship
Can you?

22/04/2015