Day 11 : Just afraid of changes

Day 11..
Today is an ordinary day
at first, I thought.

But when it comes co-curricular times
I think it's not again.

Today's activity after lunch was explanation and practice for spot check
then when explanation by the in charged committee was going on
I sat beside my team's co-leader at first
( she is the girl who I once always jealous on because she always got close with him )
then I changed my place to my friend's side
she was one of the prefectorial's committee member who was going to act as a "problem student" during the practice time
I changed my place because I saw that she was alone
so I just went on and chat with her
Sitting in front of her was another committee member who has the same "mission" with her also
Then the place in front of me was empty, at first.

After a short period of time gone,
he came in the classroom and he sat in front of me
but I think nothing during that moment
until I dimly heard that the one sat beside him ask
"Do you want to switch place?"
and I think he purposely answered loudly :"No need!"
I'm not sure if this "scene" happened or it's just my "hallucination" or "imagination"
but I really got mad during that moment
as I think his answer and his tone of answering the question was TOO RUDE
and IMPOLITE, as well.
So, I really want to switch my place again
no matter I need to sit alone, SO WHAT?!
But then, because of the explanation was still going on
so I just don't want to made myself a focus point for everyone.

Finally, the explanation time finished and it came the practice time
we are ordered to move the tables aside
and sit around the three committee members ( he was included )
to make sure we can look clearly during the practice
then I sit at row 2 to avoid getting near to him
Then, 8 prefects was chosen to get involve in the practice
luckily I'm not the one of them
and the mission of those 3 committee members was to make things difficult for the prefects
to show us the ways solving problems during real spot check.

Then, when a prefect who I think she was just a "newbie" checked him
he made some troubles for her
and she was too nervous as she has made many mistakes
then he even "scolded" her loudly
maybe it's a hint for her on how to do it rightly
I don't know
and I knew, he was just acting
it's his mission
But during that moment,
when he "scolded" her loudly, and it's seemed like an argument
I just felt that I want to cover my ears up
I thought back of that rude message from him
even he already apologized for it
but the shadow aspect was still there
and I thought back of how we got into arguments before
I really dislike the way we argue, or even, I'm scare about it
So, when the similar situation happened,
I just not wanting to face it.

I dislike, I hate, I scare,
the ways how he being rude
the ways how we argue
the ways how we be like enemy or stranger
the ways how our relationship changes

I'm just afraid of changes.
I just want back the relationship how we used to be.

Please.
Dear God,
can you please don't changes him,
don't changes us?

25/04/2015